Obsessive Irrational thoughts.
This is what I struggle with the most. Why do I have them? Am I schizophrenic? Why won’t they stop?
When my mind starts to race, the brakes are tough to pump. I not only think impulsively but I act impulsively too. I’m spontaneous by nature (when I was 20 I moved to Las Vegas on a whim without a plan because I thought I was going to be a poker star) but lately my impulses weren’t the exciting and adventurous ones that people envied me for. They were negative and irrational. They caused me to have reactions that were completely disproportionate to the situation. After my adrenaline subsides and I float back down to earth I’m left feeling totally humiliated and filled with remorse. I’d say “that wasn’t me”. I truly felt that way. That wasn’t me. I don’t do that. Who was that? I don’t know her. She’s trying to ruin my life. I gave that side of me a name in an attempt to take the responsibility off of myself-Morgan Mayhem.
I was like Superman and Clark Kent (well, more like Clark Kant get my emotions under control) The wild thing is it kind of worked. Whenever I did or said something absurd I’d blame it on Morgan and people just went along with it. It became an inside joke between my friends and I. Naming the irrational thoughts in my head allowed me to make light of the situation and not be as incredibly mortified after these episodes. I didn’t know it at the time but I was accidentally practicing a cognitive therapy technique called cognitive diffusion.
Guys, I have a confession to make. I am Morgan. Morgan is me.
As much as I wish I could blame my behavior and thought process on an extraterrestrial with a few screws loose using my body as a host-I just can’t. That’s ridiculous.
I did, however, learn an effective way for Morgan Mayhem to help me combat my obsessive irrational thoughts. She let me externalize my issues and recognize them for what they were rather than be the issue. This gave me the courage to stand up against my irrational and sporadic thoughts and separate them from who I am. I’m no longer overwhelmed and consumed by them. Instead I just tell Morgan to kick rocks.
Real Life Example:
I work for a beer distributor in Baltimore City. I’m at work trying to figure out how to run reports-something I should already know how to do, but the system is giving me problems. Morgan enters my thoughts, stage left. “Why are you still having issues with this? Your boss hates you. How dare you make her stop to show you how to run this report. You’re so annoying when you ask questions.”
Before: “Ugh, you’re so right. I’ll just waste time trying to figure this out because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone any more than I already do. I’m going to get increasingly frustrated then give up and it’ll effect my job and probably the rest of my day but at least I won’t be annoying.”
Now: “Kick rocks, Morgan. You suck.”
See how easy that is?! It’s such a simple solution that truly does work.
Morgan Mayhem is my overactive triggered mind playing tricks on me, nothing more. I’m not schizophrenic. I’m not a lost cause. I’m not a terrible person. You aren’t either. Give your thoughts a name, disassociate yourself from them, and roll your eyes whenever they speak up. Make your voice louder than theirs. It takes a little practice and time but soon you will start to feel like a super hero with the power and strength to kick your anxiety to the curb.